Feeds:
Posts
Comments

When the pieces fit

So it’s been a while…again. This time life threw me a curve ball I wasn’t expecting. It seems pretty ironic that my last post spoke about new situations, new directions and new goals in life. How different they have become, indeed. That being said, how heart-warmingly soothing has it turned out.

We’re a pretty random match considering our past yet the similarities are uncanny. A friend once said that all things are random and that the beauty is in how well this randomness comes together. I thought you had to search for the good in random things but now, I’m beginning to see that a random thing could be coincidentally amazing all on its own without any of that beholder stuff imposed on it. There is nothing to look for; it’s just there for the taking. There is nothing to ask for; it’s yours already, it always was. Is this what they always talk about? That thing they call chemistry? Is this it? Kinda feels like it.

You gotta love it when things just work.

Advertisements

Downtime

While waiting for her nuggets to bake in the oven, she juggled.
She was alone. The floor needed to be vacuumed. She turned the music on and began. Just one ball.
But the phone rang. Another ball.
And the laundry beeped. Balls to three.
And the light blew out, the dog barked and the cat knocked over the lamp.
Juggling doesn’t come naturally but at least the balls are still up in the air, she says.

Today was quiet. The kind of quiet you hear ringing in your ears when the dishes are done, the laundry is done, the floor clean, the windows washed, the bathrooms sparkling and there is nothing else to be done. Nothing. Except maybe dinner. Nothing to do but juggle with the circus balls (apparently my talent is latent). But instead I’ll read in the sticky summer heat, sitting in front of an open window, loving every lukewarm gust of wind. Better than thinking of what I’ve left behind I suppose. It’s lonely but at least the dishes are done, laundry’s done, floor’s cleaned, windows washed and best of all, Christmas is coming. So yes, it is lonely in the house tonight but the future looks bright. Family will be here soon, then Christmas and 2010; a new year, a new situation and new goals in life. It’ll be good.

It’ll be good.

For now, I think I’ll keep reading. Witcher, come here.

That’s the Game

I hate calling it that but you’ve gotta call a spade a spade. It is what it is; never gonna be anything else. All you can do is keep up with the pace, be quick on the uptake…learn as much as you can. To summarize the last 7 months…

I’ve learnt.

Learnt that, sometimes, no matter how much you care, people don’t care back. That it takes years to build up trust and seconds to destroy it; you can do something in an instant that’ll give you heartache for the rest of your life. That it’s not about what you have but rather who you have in your life. I’ve learnt that we don’t have to change friends if we know that friends change. That no matter how good a friend is, they’re going to hurt you once in a while and you must forgive them. We are responsible for who we become, regardless of where and who we’ve been. And just because two people argue, doesn’t mean they don’t love each other.

I’ve learnt that it’s taken a long time to become the person I wanted to be. That it isn’t always enough to be forgiven; you have to forgive yourself too. That you can keep going for as long as you believe you can. I’ve learnt that credentials on a wall doesn’t make you a decent human being. That you shouldn’t compare yourself to the best others can do. I’ve learnt that you can’t make someone love you; you can only be someone whom they can love and the rest is up to them.

That my best friend and I can do anything…or nothing…and have the best time. That true friendship continues to grow even over the longest distances; same goes for true love, I suppose.

It was good to go back this time; it was the best it’s ever been…at the bench without glasses, at the cafe with charms, at the dinner table with Christmas crackers and my fortunes.  And then, so…so hard to come home.

$23.50

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness? Send them to me and I will set them straight.

I just spent the best $23.50 of my life. Not many people can say they bought themselves into such a revival. But I did. And it was all for less than $24.

What did I pay for, you ask?

Parking… … … … $23.50 on parking.

I could recount every little detail from his white long sleeve tee and grey cargos to the other’s dark silver tie on a black button down. But it would do little justice to the magnificence of Jason Mraz and John Butler.

I should be raving about the cool swagger that Jason possessed on stage, under his signature tilted Trillby, he put the audiences through some of the cheesiest dance moves ever and even more ridiculous impromptu scats, making it all seem so cool. The guy is enigmatic, what can I say…and musically, o.m.g…no one saw it coming as he overlapped the Wonderwall chorus over a swank, upbeat rendition of The Remedy (only he could make that song more upbeat than it already was).  He dripped with sex appeal through a slow, alluring Butterfly and sped through a jaw-breaking Dynamo of Volition.

However, someone stole the spotlight. The John Butler Trio went all out. Considering it was their last performance as a trio, they really pulled out all the stops and all the tricks including 10-15 minute mind-boggling solos (EACH!) in a song that seemed to go on forever; just when you thought it’s a new song, they’d bring the riff back around and pull you back into the same old song from before. I must say that before that performance I only knew them by name but the iTunes card and filled music folder are surefire signs of a convert (even if it is too late). I really wasn’t expecting much from them…John came on, short dread-locked hair, scruffy beard, a little awkward on the mic. But then, when he swung out a 12-string guitar with a missing string and his one-handed acrylic nails, and plucked out a smooth, toe-tapping, laid back rendition of Used to get high, I was done for…hook, line and sinker.

An apt song too, god knows what I inhaled that night…whatever it was, sure didn’t smell like cigarettes and I’m not usually that giggly either (at least my new acquaintances found it entertaining but I’m not convinced it was worth the morning-after headache). But I have to say, an hour of Jason and two hours of John were worth the 10hours standing in the sun, banding everyone at the gates (wrists come in all shapes and sizes too). Thanks to Laura, Phil, Justin and Matt who made the time go by just that little bit quicker…maybe next year we won’t have to hang our Subway lunches from our pockets as we keep on tagging through our ‘lunch break’.

In the meantime, go on, “go take a step outside, see what’s shaking in the real world…”

Visible

All kids start walking the same way. Clinging on to a piece of furniture, shimmying in pampers, sliding like a crab one step at a time. It’s not really walking by any dictionary definition but we all know the “baby’s first steps” walk. It’s clumsy, disjuncted, jerky…and that’s just the standing part. And then the walking….oh, the walking part…more like the falling part really. Stand up, step, fall down, roll over, stand up, step, fall…

It’s kinda the same when facing your demons and working out your issues. Everything feels a little new, a little clumsy, a little awkward. It even follows the same pattern; stand up, step, fall, stand, step, fall. They say fake it till you make it but they don’t tell you about what it feels like when you have to fake it all that time…before you ever make it. Yeah, sometimes it just downright sucks…sometimes.

But that’s the human condition, right? The mortality and being fragile. Never knowing if that is the person you want to be seen as…if you’re seen at all. I guess that’s why we keep pets and best friends. They’re the only ones that feed off your energy especially when you’re down. They look at you with their big curious eyes, head slightly tilted, waiting quietly for you to crumble into a heap so they can put their head against yours and suddenly, you don’t feel so invisible anymore.

Over the threshold

New things are always scary. For that matter, moving forward is a similar feeling. Either fight it or resign yourself to it, right? Build a bridge, get over it…that kinda thing.

The thing about sifting through the yester years (and old posts), is that you realize how much junk you collect. It starts with one little thing and snowballs into its own universe, that takes up light years to traverse. I won’t pretend that when I click publish that it’ll be a new me with a new blog (I’ve moved blogs enough to know it doesn’t matter where you publish from…it’s still the same author, different packaging).

So this is the same old me, with my glass half-full resignation to a life that will go on in spite of me…

Wait.

Moving is hard.